Cinderella?

There were about six weeks between the time when Keith and I decided to seek placement of Brie and the day that she actually moved into our house. We went about the work of shifting bedrooms, buying her furniture and bedding and perusing the teen clearance racks. Keith and I got into the habit of hiding out in Brie's empty bedroom.... it was clean, quiet, and comfy. It was a good place to day dream about all the things we wanted to add to Brie's life. We looked forward to loving her and teaching her all the lessons we have learned about life thus far. We looked forward to our kids loving her and her enjoying the kids like we do. We anticipated the excitement of having a young person who is getting ready to go out and take on the world. We were looking forward to seeing Cinderella transform into her ball gown and go to live happily ever after of course!

Well, real life is a little different. Brie quickly turned her room into a place we dare not tread... garbage seems to multiply exponentially, she burnt a chunk of carpet in the middle of her room and chooses to sleep on the floor or on top to her bed with a old blanket she brought with her. Many of the items I gave her have 'disappeared' or I have found in the garbage. Our hopes of passing down our 'wisdom' are seen as lectures and the eyes roll. The other children are mostly annoyances and she needs to 'get out of the house' often to go for walks and get away from all the busyness. Most of the freedoms we gave her when she first moved in have had to be taken away due to misuse.
My ability to ever fill the shoes of Brie's mother feels like building a bridge across the Grand Canyon with popsicle sticks. All those things that kids love about their mother.... mom's voice, mom's smile, mom's smell, the feeling of a hug from mom etc, etc, etc. These are things that can not be recreated. I can not be Brie's mom. I must accept that I will always be something different. . I try to meditate on Brie's mom and feel the love that she has for her daughter and to pass that on to Brie. I imagine Brie as a little girl and how she must have been the sunshine in her mom's life. I wish I could have been Brie's mom's friend and helped her through her trials. I wish I could change her mom's life so that she could be with Brie always. Brie's mom will always be better for Brie than I can be. And that is how it should be. There is no fairy tale ending where we make everything better and this child lives happily ever after. Brie will always have these scars and nothing can change what she has been through. But we all must suffer in this life. Some of us face suffering early in life and some of us have greater suffering. But all of life is learning to accept our suffering, offer it up to Jesus, and use it to grow closer to Him. Jesus himself was not spared from suffering. I can't take Brie's paing away, I can't go back in time. I can only love her and be the next stage in her life. I hope that this stage in her life is a time of growth, happy memories, and hope for the future. And in time there will be things that Brie will find endearing about our family too. Maybe there is no such thing as happily ever after, but maybe there is happier ever after.