Wow, YEARS can go by so quickly! This blog has sat untouched since 2011. But I can't continue my blog without resolving the past posts about Brie. We lost our foster daughter since my last posting. Lost in the sense that everything fell apart. Lost in that I couldn't be who Brie needed me to be. She was with us for 17 months and for the life of me I only have a handful of fun or happy memories from all that time of her. It was discipline, discipline, discipline... the hardest and worst part of parenting. Yet, if she would ever ask me for anything good, anything she wasn't going to use to hurt herself, I would still give or do anything for her.
We couldn't move her to Chicago with us but she is a forever part of my heart. It is certainly nice to love someone that you enjoy being around, but love doesn't come from "good times". Love is more than that. Love comes from wanting the best for someone, seeing the beauty in them, and recognizing their value for no other reason than that God created them. Brie is the biggest failing of my life. She showed me how weak I really am. How far I have to go to live what I believe. I could give you a million "rational" reasons why Brie couldn't move with us but the truth is I couldn't watch the pain up close anymore. She was so dug into her self destructive ways and it hurt too much to see her continually throw away anything good she was offered. I was physically ill anytime she was not at home because I was so worried about her. I hope that she will end up happy in the end but she is likely going to take the longest and most difficult way to get there. I hope that if she ever needs family she will come to us. We miss her and pray for her all the time. Our lost daughter.
