Do kids make you more awesome?

I remember being so excited when I brought my second born home because I went from having "a baby" to having "kids".  I would call my two little ones "the kids" just for the fun of hearing those words come out of my mouth.  Well, now with 6 kids, it seems a lot more fitting to call them "the kids"... or "the mob" or the "heard of stray cats ".  Having so many kids so close in age can be very stressful and tiring.  Sometimes I feel like the days pass and I have done nothing but go from catastrophe to catastrophe.  But I know, without a doubt, that even though I am not the perfect mom, that these children are my salvation.  These children were given to me to be the furnace that burns all the selfishness out of me so that I can learn to love.  These children show me the face of God. 

Having a lot of kids does not suddenly make you a "good mom" or even a "good person".  But it sure gives you a lot of opportunities to practice!  Virtues are just good habits, and habits are actions repeated over and over.  When you have a lot of kids you get to practice putting yourself last, caring for others, planning things ahead of time, patience, sacrifice, and love.  You get to give up what you want for the good of others.  You learn to value being, more than doing.  You can't define yourself by your cool hobbies or exciting travels.  You are not likely to be high fashion or have exciting stories to tell.  Forget having a nice house or beautiful things. Being a mom is pretty consuming.  But day in and day out my kids are raising me.  Raising me up to be a better person than I would be without them.  Having several kids does not suddenly make you a devout Catholic or better mom...but I know that I am a more patient and loving and whole person than I would be without them.

Dear children, please be mediocre parents

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Dear children, it would please your mother very much to see you grow up to be mediocre parents.  I would like grand kids who squirm at church, laugh too loud and show up to grandma's with a shirt on backwards, maybe mismatched socks. I would like them to talk too much and fight with each other.  I would also like to attend totally uncoordinated birthday parties with just lots of kids running around and having a fun time. I want you to have old junky furniture and stains on the carpet where the kids got in the paint or dumped cool aid. I want my grand kids to be successful.... at loving, at sacrificing, and at laughing.
 

 

Please don't wait to have kids till you can give them the "perfect" life.  You are really just getting them started on life.  God is going to do most of the work.  But have them, even if you can't give them the picture perfect life that society tell us we owe our kids.  The perfect and amazing moments will happen anyway.  If you look for them you will realize that you are showered with moments of love, sweetness, humor, and sacrifice.  Life is beautiful and it will be more beautiful if you don't waste all your time and energy trying to make it so.

 

 Life is a gift.   It take too much time and energy to have a "perfect" life. Maybe I am wrong about this one, but I have a feeling that more good will be done in the world by having all you kids than if I had stopped at 2 and made your lives "perfect".   I want you to ENJOY your kids.   Kids need  parents who delight in them, not picture perfect childhoods.

Simplicity

Dear children,  It is so terribly difficult not to spoil you.  Yes, we are surround by abundance and opportunities to have more everything.  I enjoy so much giving you something new or seeing you in a brand new outfit.  But simplicity in childhood is a gift. It is a gift you will open years from now when you can relive the happiness of your childhood without having to buy it. You are likely to love the things you have and experience now for no other reason than that "that is how we did it when I was a kid"  And I try to remember this as I fashion our days.

I know that you will love many things just because that is how we did things when you were young. So I give you the gift of loving things that are simple.  I give you freedom from being a slave to things.  So much freedom is given to someone who is content with less.  If  we can be happy in a smaller space, with simpler food,  free entertainment or used clothes,  how much freedom  this gives us!  Freedom to marry someone for love.  Freedom to choose if you want to stay at home with your kids.  Freedom from debt.  Freedom from the competition of always having the biggest, the newest, the best.

I want to fill your childhood with things that you can always have. Laughing, loving, learning and knowing God are all beautiful and free things we can give you which will never spoil. 

I hope one day you will smile when you think of sitting at our craigslist table with our family, laughing and all having beanie weenies for dinner together.  And knowing in your heart that you were happy with the little we had because our house was full of love. And that loving God, others and yourself are the only things worth "having".

The more we tie "stuff" into the love that is mom and dad, the more burden we put on our children to love their children that way.   Simplicity is a gift we give our children and early childhood is the time to give it.  This is the time their brains are building that little place that feels like home later when they go out into the world.  As long as they are getting the basics kids won't feel want.  They don't realize how much "stuff" is out there so how can they miss it?  They enjoy whatever comes from mom and dad.  Because mom and dad mean happy and safe and loved. 

Please children, choose beauty

I continue to be amazed by the instant love parents feel for a new born baby.  I am obsessed with Clare.  I just want to be with her all the time.  I miss her when she naps.  I love how she stops crying  just because I pick her up.  How can I love this person so much that  I JUST MET?  Why do moms love their children from the moment they know they exist?  It is the beautiful proof that love should not come from what others can do or give to us.  Love gives, not takes. We love others for no other reason than that they are.

And my greatest hope for my babies is that they choose the beautiful in life.  Please choose the beautiful.

Choose the beauty of loving others.  Choose the beauty of serving.  Choose the beauty of being grateful.  Let life make you easily happy.  Sacrifice willingly.  Seek the beauty of truth and you will find God. 

There is goodness and beauty everywhere waiting, begging for someone to say yes.  If you grow up to be smart or handsome or wealthy fine.  But what I really want for you is to say yes to beauty in all its mess, exhaustion, and generousness.  God wants to give us so much more than we know we want. 

Growing and Growing!

Well, also since my blogging in 2011 we have had 2 more baby girls!  Emma Isabella Goretti was born on April 25, 2012.

And our sweet Clare Angelus was just born on March 24, 2014.

So now we are all caught up!

Blog block

Wow, YEARS can go by so quickly! This blog has sat untouched since 2011.  But I can't continue my blog without resolving the past posts about Brie. We lost our foster daughter since my last posting.  Lost in the sense that everything fell apart.  Lost in that I couldn't be who Brie needed me to be.  She was with us for 17 months and for the life of me I only have a handful of fun or happy memories from all that time of her.  It was discipline, discipline, discipline... the hardest and worst part of parenting.  Yet, if she would ever ask me for anything good, anything she wasn't going to use to hurt herself, I would still give or do anything for her.

We couldn't move her to Chicago with us but she is a forever part of my heart.  It is certainly nice to love someone that you enjoy being around, but love doesn't come from "good times".  Love is more than that.  Love comes from wanting the best for someone, seeing the beauty in them, and recognizing their value for no other reason than that God created them.  Brie is the biggest failing of my life.  She showed me how weak I really am.  How far I have to go to live what I believe.  I could give you a million "rational" reasons why Brie couldn't move with us but the truth is I couldn't watch the pain up close anymore.  She was so dug into her self destructive ways and it hurt too much to see her continually throw away anything good she was offered.  I was physically ill anytime she was not at home because I was so worried about her.  I hope that she will end up happy in the end but  she is likely going to take the longest and most difficult way to get there.  I  hope  that if she ever needs family she will come to us.  We miss her and pray for her all the time.  Our lost daughter.

Let them come

With baby number 5 on the way, I think that I have finally grown past the belief that I am planning out my life and am the one in control. I feel the surrender to God. I want to live God's will for my life and be a tool for Him to use as He sees best. Whomever you want to create Lord, we will make room for them. Bless us Lord, and we will accept with gratitude. At this point I really don't see how having one more child or 5 will really change my life that much. We live the rhythm of a large family now. Adding children will only affect how long this song will play. So let them come Lord. Continue to give me the graces I need and I will follow you. I have passed through the initial fire that burns off those things that could have kept me from having a large family.
Perfectionism. With the first couple of kids I wanted everything perfect. Perfect, brand new clothes, perfect, beautiful home. Perfect behavior and picture perfect holidays. Now my priority is to have the things I need and where I can find them. And I understand that we do not make our kids who they are, we are only molding what is already there.
Career. Each baby used to be a new count down to how many years until all the kids would be in school and I could start a career. Now my kids and their education have become the most fulfilling job I could imagine putting my time and strength into. I will change the world, one child at a time. Creating children who know how to love and are who they were created to be is a very worthwhile pursuit. And finding ways to save money is almost as good as making money.
Free time. This is hard to give up because having kids is very inspiring! I want to sew them pretty dresses and cook yummy things and read all the books. But I am learning how to take short 15 or 30 minutes escapes throughout the week which add up to me being able to still have hobbies and interests.
Husband time. I know that it is important to make my husband a priority. When the kids are grown and gone it will be Keith who is left there waiting for me. It is Keith to whom I vowed to God to love all the days of my life. I know that he looks forward to the time when things are easier, when we have more freedom to do as we please, and less chaos. But I also think that the children we have are a big reason that we are still very much in love. Love can so easily grow stale.... but these children force us to mature. I see Keith work harder and harder to provide for our family. He must grow in his ability to sacrifice for others. His knowledge and wisdom when it comes to children continues to grow. And with each pregnancy he becomes my rock. In the same way I am forced to raise the bar with each child. To become more patient, more efficient, more loving, and more willing to sacrifice. We are each becoming better people and more lovable to each other with each child. And we share the laughter and amazement of seeing what new individuals God creates from our openness to life. I think kids are good for marriages.
Comfort Having kids is not exactly comfortable. Much time is spent dealing with bodily excretements or contortioning oneself into weird positions for one reason or the other. There are endless hours spent carrying children and doing things one handed. No matter how organized you are the house will get dirty every day and needs to be cleaned again. I haven't slept through the night in years and I rarely get an uninterrupted shower. But thank you God, that we adjust to the stress we are put under. These things are normal now and don't bother me (most of the time!), and the little comfortable escapes I do get are amplified. And what is more comfortable than snuggling your nose into a head of baby curls?!
Security No, I won't be able to give my kids everything. They are going to have to work through college like I did and will start off their lives living on love just like Keith and I! But are they going to be worse people because of it? No. Are people whose parents pay for their college happier people? I don't think they are happier or unhappier. Our kids will understand, just as I did, that mom and dad chose to give them more siblings rather than buy them things they don't really need. And it will be hard, and they will work for those things they really want. And they will realize one day that the security their parents were able to give them came in their knowledge of family and love and a foundation of faith.