Marriage still matters...

To my beautiful girls, despite what the world tells you, marriage still matters.  It is still worth it to make a promise, a vow, that you will love someone for the rest of your life.  And it is still worth it to give your life to someone.

Yes, I know you can 'act' like you are married...do all those things married people do...live with someone, spend all your time with them, make memories, even have kids.  Society will even tell you how smart you are for "finding out if you are compatible" before you commit.  This is a lie.  It will never be as full as if you did all these things with THAT man as YOUR husband. Because marriage still means something.

Life is the same.  You work, you play.  Some times are good, others bad.  But marriage adds another layer.

 

Marriage wraps life with a bow that says" I love you, you are unique to me and I choose you above all others".  It says" I will be with you if you are sick or tired...or sick and tired of the kids! I will follow you where ever you go. I will love your family as my own.  You are safe.  I am here to stay and will do whatever it takes".  Marriage says that we will be together for always...long enough to have children and see them raised..long enough to dream about retirement...long enough to be the last one you see in this world. 

 

And then, when you promise to be with someone forever, they will become someone new.  No one stays the same, we are always growing and changing.  Life happens. And then, you get to fall in love again, with whoever this new person your spouse has turned into.  Because you promised you would... and a promise as big as marriage will take your whole life to fulfill.  Some of the things you loved about your husband when you met will go away...some things on purpose, some because life happened.  But I hope you will have the guts to choose someone.  To take the challenge of loving someone for always. 

Do kids make you more awesome?

I remember being so excited when I brought my second born home because I went from having "a baby" to having "kids".  I would call my two little ones "the kids" just for the fun of hearing those words come out of my mouth.  Well, now with 6 kids, it seems a lot more fitting to call them "the kids"... or "the mob" or the "heard of stray cats ".  Having so many kids so close in age can be very stressful and tiring.  Sometimes I feel like the days pass and I have done nothing but go from catastrophe to catastrophe.  But I know, without a doubt, that even though I am not the perfect mom, that these children are my salvation.  These children were given to me to be the furnace that burns all the selfishness out of me so that I can learn to love.  These children show me the face of God. 

Having a lot of kids does not suddenly make you a "good mom" or even a "good person".  But it sure gives you a lot of opportunities to practice!  Virtues are just good habits, and habits are actions repeated over and over.  When you have a lot of kids you get to practice putting yourself last, caring for others, planning things ahead of time, patience, sacrifice, and love.  You get to give up what you want for the good of others.  You learn to value being, more than doing.  You can't define yourself by your cool hobbies or exciting travels.  You are not likely to be high fashion or have exciting stories to tell.  Forget having a nice house or beautiful things. Being a mom is pretty consuming.  But day in and day out my kids are raising me.  Raising me up to be a better person than I would be without them.  Having several kids does not suddenly make you a devout Catholic or better mom...but I know that I am a more patient and loving and whole person than I would be without them.

Dear children, please be mediocre parents

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Dear children, it would please your mother very much to see you grow up to be mediocre parents.  I would like grand kids who squirm at church, laugh too loud and show up to grandma's with a shirt on backwards, maybe mismatched socks. I would like them to talk too much and fight with each other.  I would also like to attend totally uncoordinated birthday parties with just lots of kids running around and having a fun time. I want you to have old junky furniture and stains on the carpet where the kids got in the paint or dumped cool aid. I want my grand kids to be successful.... at loving, at sacrificing, and at laughing.
 

 

Please don't wait to have kids till you can give them the "perfect" life.  You are really just getting them started on life.  God is going to do most of the work.  But have them, even if you can't give them the picture perfect life that society tell us we owe our kids.  The perfect and amazing moments will happen anyway.  If you look for them you will realize that you are showered with moments of love, sweetness, humor, and sacrifice.  Life is beautiful and it will be more beautiful if you don't waste all your time and energy trying to make it so.

 

 Life is a gift.   It take too much time and energy to have a "perfect" life. Maybe I am wrong about this one, but I have a feeling that more good will be done in the world by having all you kids than if I had stopped at 2 and made your lives "perfect".   I want you to ENJOY your kids.   Kids need  parents who delight in them, not picture perfect childhoods.

Simplicity

Dear children,  It is so terribly difficult not to spoil you.  Yes, we are surround by abundance and opportunities to have more everything.  I enjoy so much giving you something new or seeing you in a brand new outfit.  But simplicity in childhood is a gift. It is a gift you will open years from now when you can relive the happiness of your childhood without having to buy it. You are likely to love the things you have and experience now for no other reason than that "that is how we did it when I was a kid"  And I try to remember this as I fashion our days.

I know that you will love many things just because that is how we did things when you were young. So I give you the gift of loving things that are simple.  I give you freedom from being a slave to things.  So much freedom is given to someone who is content with less.  If  we can be happy in a smaller space, with simpler food,  free entertainment or used clothes,  how much freedom  this gives us!  Freedom to marry someone for love.  Freedom to choose if you want to stay at home with your kids.  Freedom from debt.  Freedom from the competition of always having the biggest, the newest, the best.

I want to fill your childhood with things that you can always have. Laughing, loving, learning and knowing God are all beautiful and free things we can give you which will never spoil. 

I hope one day you will smile when you think of sitting at our craigslist table with our family, laughing and all having beanie weenies for dinner together.  And knowing in your heart that you were happy with the little we had because our house was full of love. And that loving God, others and yourself are the only things worth "having".

The more we tie "stuff" into the love that is mom and dad, the more burden we put on our children to love their children that way.   Simplicity is a gift we give our children and early childhood is the time to give it.  This is the time their brains are building that little place that feels like home later when they go out into the world.  As long as they are getting the basics kids won't feel want.  They don't realize how much "stuff" is out there so how can they miss it?  They enjoy whatever comes from mom and dad.  Because mom and dad mean happy and safe and loved. 

Please children, choose beauty

I continue to be amazed by the instant love parents feel for a new born baby.  I am obsessed with Clare.  I just want to be with her all the time.  I miss her when she naps.  I love how she stops crying  just because I pick her up.  How can I love this person so much that  I JUST MET?  Why do moms love their children from the moment they know they exist?  It is the beautiful proof that love should not come from what others can do or give to us.  Love gives, not takes. We love others for no other reason than that they are.

And my greatest hope for my babies is that they choose the beautiful in life.  Please choose the beautiful.

Choose the beauty of loving others.  Choose the beauty of serving.  Choose the beauty of being grateful.  Let life make you easily happy.  Sacrifice willingly.  Seek the beauty of truth and you will find God. 

There is goodness and beauty everywhere waiting, begging for someone to say yes.  If you grow up to be smart or handsome or wealthy fine.  But what I really want for you is to say yes to beauty in all its mess, exhaustion, and generousness.  God wants to give us so much more than we know we want. 

Growing and Growing!

Well, also since my blogging in 2011 we have had 2 more baby girls!  Emma Isabella Goretti was born on April 25, 2012.

And our sweet Clare Angelus was just born on March 24, 2014.

So now we are all caught up!

Blog block

Wow, YEARS can go by so quickly! This blog has sat untouched since 2011.  But I can't continue my blog without resolving the past posts about Brie. We lost our foster daughter since my last posting.  Lost in the sense that everything fell apart.  Lost in that I couldn't be who Brie needed me to be.  She was with us for 17 months and for the life of me I only have a handful of fun or happy memories from all that time of her.  It was discipline, discipline, discipline... the hardest and worst part of parenting.  Yet, if she would ever ask me for anything good, anything she wasn't going to use to hurt herself, I would still give or do anything for her.

We couldn't move her to Chicago with us but she is a forever part of my heart.  It is certainly nice to love someone that you enjoy being around, but love doesn't come from "good times".  Love is more than that.  Love comes from wanting the best for someone, seeing the beauty in them, and recognizing their value for no other reason than that God created them.  Brie is the biggest failing of my life.  She showed me how weak I really am.  How far I have to go to live what I believe.  I could give you a million "rational" reasons why Brie couldn't move with us but the truth is I couldn't watch the pain up close anymore.  She was so dug into her self destructive ways and it hurt too much to see her continually throw away anything good she was offered.  I was physically ill anytime she was not at home because I was so worried about her.  I hope that she will end up happy in the end but  she is likely going to take the longest and most difficult way to get there.  I  hope  that if she ever needs family she will come to us.  We miss her and pray for her all the time.  Our lost daughter.