Just a couple of sinners...

I thank God that I am married to a sinner.  Maybe one day we will be saints, but being married to a sinner is the next best thing.  There are not a lot of sinners left anymore.  To know you are a sinner you have to believe in something and be striving for conduct consistent with that truth.  Sinners can not be ignorant  and undecided people.  To sin you must have found truth, a truth that is consistent and stays the same in different circumstances. Truth brings peace and beauty into one's life. Ignorant people have not found what they believe in or believe in a truth that is inconsistent or changes with different circumstances.  There may have been times in our marriage that I felt my husband was simply ignorant and needed to be educated on why something he had done was hurtful.  He has taught many things to me too.  Thankfully at this point in our marriage  we have a common understanding of truth and know when we have hurt each other.  We know we are just a couple of sinners.

I could also be married to a wicked man.  Wicked people bend and twist truth.  In the same way that wicker furniture means furniture made of twisted branches, wicked is wanting bad to be good and good to be bad. I have never found my husband to be wicked, he has always sought the good when he sees it.

With all this said, I reiterate that I am grateful to God that I am married to a sinner.  A sinner is someone who is seeking God, someone who seeks truth, but falls short.  A sinner is someone who can be forgiven, gets up again and moves forward.  They are not lost in the darkness of ignorance nor twisted by evil.  Yes, it still hurts to live with a sinner.  We hurt each other. There is need for grace and forgiveness, but we are walking together with hope.  Once you realize that your husband is just a sinner like you, how can you stay angry or resent them? Who can blame a husband for struggling on his path if  his path is moving towards God?  I face my own sinfulness  everyday and struggle to love others fully. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God.  I want to help, encourage, and love my husband just as Jesus comforted the sinners that He met.   Being married to a sinner means that, although we fall, we are moving towards the same goal. We are just a couple of sinners trying to help each other get to heaven. Thank you God, that I am married to a sinner.  

6 kids in an art museum...

How great is it to live in a city with a world class art museum? Pretty great!  We went early this spring and I am looking forward to my next trip to the The Chicago Art Institute.

We were gifted a big book of  paintings from the permanent exhibits at the museum.  I sat down with each kid and just looked through the book and asked them to tell me when they saw something that they liked.

 (Two Little Circus Girls was a strong favorite of all the girls)

Trip picked bloody and weird paintings, Lucy picked princess looking girls, and Lila picked mostly paintings with babies.  Grace had a variety.  It was really fun seeing what the children fell in love with.  We went back to these paintings a few times in the book so that by the time we went to the Art Institute the kids were excited to go find their well-known favorites.

I was amazed by how many of the painting's names the older kids remembered.   It was an exhausting and beautiful day but I hope the kids came back with a sense of the importance of art.

 

True art translates beauty, goodness and truth into something that can be seen and felt. Some pieces of art zap you right to your soul and you are able to connect to a person or time you did not previously  know.

  (The kids trying to recreate American Gothic)

Art is also a record of society at a point in history.    Art allows us to share emotions and ideas with near and distant points in history.  It is one thing to read about the past but another thing to interact with some of the most precious objects of a time.

 ( This one had the attention of a security guard or two!)

I hope that by  experiencing beauty in  their childhood that my children will know beauty and seek it in the future.  When we encounter beauty-whether in art, music, nature, or in other people- it changes us and expands our humanity.

 (I claim these curls as one of my great creations!)

Why we have kids...

When you first get married everything  revolves around adding to your net worth.  You work at attaining vehicles, buying a house, establishing savings, upward mobility in careers and expanding your education.  And then one day you have a kid and they are the biggest money pit ever!  All that work and then you create this little person that you spend a ton of money on with no tangible return. We no longer live in an agrarian society in which children are needed to work the farm.  It is much less common for families to live in multi-generational homes with children caring for their aging parents.  As parents we no longer need to have children to ensure our survival.  Having children is something that modern parents choose to do, not need to do.  So why do we do it? ( Some of us over and over) Here are some of my favorite reasons.

1) Love for a child is unlike any other kind of love.
From child number one on down I still can't believe the instant, strong, love that is experienced when you find out you are having a baby and which is ntensified when you see your baby for the first time.  This love is amazing.  It is like your wedding day, meeting your best friend, and seeing the most beautiful thing in the world all at once.

2) Having children expands your love for your spouse.
 Is their anything sweeter than a man holding a baby?! Seriously, I could never tire of seeing my man holding our sweet little babies.  The only thing cuter would be twins.  Is there anything to make you more grateful for your husband's hard work than knowing that he is going spend it all on feeding and clothing your kids?  Sometimes I am overwhelmed by realizing how hard my husband works and he gives it all to his family.    When you have children you truly need your spouse.  They are not a companion but someone you need to get through each and every day.  Whether providing hands to help or just comic relief, children make you need your husband.  And it feels good to need someone and be part of a team.

3) It is a joy to see siblings together.
One kid was lots of fun, but I love having a crew. I  love that they live in their child's world.  They have the games they play, the jokes they share, their alliances and divisions.  The kids are their own force and I don't have to create it for them. All my favorite people playing together.

4) It is a privilege to give someone a life.
It only takes one miscarriage to realize that fertility is a gift and not a right.  Not everyone is able to have kids and I don't take my fertility for granted.  In the whole story of my life these child-bearing years are only a small part.  It is a short opportunity to be part of giving someone the ultimate gift, their life.  Yes, it is hard being pregnant, it is hard the first year after you have a baby while your hormones are still wacky.  It is hard balancing all the things that go with having a family, but if I don't do it no one will.  Either these kids will have life or not.  I give a few short years to these kids and they get to have a whole life and then a whole eternity.

5) Life is an adventure and nothing is more unpredictable than kids!  I guess I must like a little craziness in my life! 

Trip's First Confession

John 20: 22-23 "And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, 'Receive the holy Spirit.  Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.'"

Dear Trip, while preparing for your First Confession this week I got a little glimpse of the man you are becoming.  As we studied the Ten Commandments for you to be aware of your possible sins you took it very seriously.  You were not afraid to humbly acknowledge when your actions may have hurt others.  You really were acting like a man.

 Boys hide from their weaknesses, try to hide them or excuse them away.  You faced your actions, were honest with yourself and took your sins to Jesus.  I was so proud.   It takes a strong man to admit his faults in the confessional.  

And I have much confidence that as you grow in faith you will be a man I will be very proud to call my son.  I look forward to you continuing to grow in self control.  I hope you will stand up for the weak, take care of the poor, and love the unwanted.  You have such an energy about you and if you can grow in your love for God you will set the world on fire.

What I want most for you, my son, is to be a GOOD man.  I man who doesn't hurt others to get what he wants.  A man who can humbly see that he is a sinner and needs God.  A man who is willing to sacrifice for his family.  And I got a little glimpse of this man today and it filled me with so much joy!

Dear Atheists...

There are a lot of very nice, lovable Atheists out there.   But  I don't understand fighting for something with no odds of having a positive outcome. I don't understand how one can come to believe in Atheism as a logical conclusion. 

I see 3 choices to make concerning beliefs. 1) There is a god and it is the God of the Judeo Christian faiths 2) There is a god but is is not the God of the Judeo Christian faiths 3) There is no god.  Relating to number one, if there is a god, and it is the Holy Trinity, then obviously being a Christian is the way to go. This Christian God appears to have gone to a lot of effort to communicate with mankind through the Bible and the traditions of His Church.  Relating to number 2, if there is a god,but it is not the Trinity, then really it is anyone's guess which religion to follow. At  least you took a shot at a religion even if you chose the wrong one.  You can't win if you don't play. And lastly, if there is no god, then who really cares because there was no ultimate point to life anyway.  You end up dead under the ground regardless of what you believed in.

Now, in order to humor the Atheist, lets look at this logically without distinguishing The Trinity from other gods.  To set God aside as His own category  is a sign of faith which the atheist may not want to acknowledge.  So, if we break this down to believing in a higher power versus being an atheist it is still illogical to be an atheist.  It is like watching a race between two horses.  One horse, the atheist bet, will receive no prize if it wins.  The other horse, faith, cashes out with prize money if it wins.  Why you would bet on the horse that has no reward even if it wins?  It is illogical.  Even a child would know to bet on the horse which has a chance of prize money (even if you don't think it has as good of a chance of winning).  If the horse of faith looses you have nothing, the same as if you had bet on the atheist horse.  Once again, it just seems illogical to not believe in anything.

But caring about going to Heaven is very infantile in one's faith. It is the very beginning and hopefully quickly grown out of. Being a Christian because you want to go to Heaven is like doing your chores so that your parents will let you go out with your friends.  As faith grows you should obey God because you love Him, He is your Father, not because you are seeking a reward.

Living a life of faith is it's own reward anyways.  If Jesus was not God, then He was still the wisest and most insightful man to have ever lived.  I have been living as a Christian for many years now, making decisions based on my faith.  I can easily say that I chose my husband, my life's work, planned my family, and arrange my daily routine around my faith.  And if I get to the end of my life and there is nothing past today, if we are just animals, then I will still be happy with the choices I made because of my silly pointless faith. There is nothing to loose by believing that an all powerful God loves you so much that He willingly died for you.  There is nothing to loose by believing that all people are loved by God and should be treated as you yourself would wish to be treated.  There is nothing to loose by treating your children as the greatest gift anyone could receive.

We are all born wanting to believe in something.  Look at children who are so willing to believe in Santa, fairies, mermaids.... we are all born hoping that there is something bigger than us.  As Christians we believe that this is the hole God puts in our heart,  a longing that can only be filled by Him.  And I don't think that this hole goes away for Atheists but some pain in their life stops them from finding the answer to their longing.  And when you can find that pain and let God take it away, you will see clearly that being Atheist does not make any sense.  I don't regret a day of my life.  I live everyday with a purpose that is so much bigger than myself or my happiness.  If every Church was burned to the ground and every Bible destroyed, if ISIS beheaded me and all my family, still no one could take my faith away.  And I would be joyful to have not lived my life believing in nothing.

This Friday, Good Friday, we will celebrate that Jesus died on the cross so that we may all go to Heaven despite our sinfulness.  Jesus died for Atheists the same as Christians. And I pray for all the Atheists, especially those in my family, that you will replace your belief in nothing with a belief that God loves you more than you can understand. I welcome comments from any Atheist who can give me a reason why their beliefs are logical.

Education is about virtue...

Dear children, it is such a strange thing being human, isn't it?  We live in such a small part of the big picture.  It was a HUNDRED years from when Columbus "discovered" America and when there was any real effort to settle the New World. More than a lifetime.  Our  lives are so short in the scheme of history that we can hardly see how our piece fits in.

But you are part of this big picture of history as we all create the society which is shaping the history of today. And if you  hope to be a good part  of this big picture we live in then you need to see the big picture of getting an education.  Education is about virtue... learning what is good, what is beautiful, and what is true.  Since the time of Socrates this was known, "Whom do I call educated? First, those who manage well the circumstances they encounter day by day. Next, those who are decent and honorable in their intercourse with all men, bearing easily and good naturedly what is offensive in others and being as agreeable and reasonable to their associates as is humanly possible to be... those who hold their pleasures always under control and are not ultimately overcome by their misfortunes... those who are not spoiled by their successes, who do not desert their true selves but hold their ground steadfastly as wise and sober -- minded men." 

Education is not about figuring out what your teacher will put on a test and memorizing it, it not about standing in line and being able to follow directions, it is not even about being a productive member of society.  What good is an educated society if it is not one that seeks virtue? Yes, we need people who are able to work at the jobs that make society go but what we need more are kind neighbors, loving husbands and patient mothers.  We need virtuous people who are able to conquer their selfishness.  Education should produce thinkers, not a mass population of followers.  Education should shine light on the good, beautiful and true.  We need good citizens who love good things, not individuals who want a paycheck.

Learning facts and skills is only part of eduction.  It is good to explore the world and to understand how things work.  But we should be educating the whole child and that includes educating them on how they can be good, more human people.  Children are more than bodies to be busied, more than minds to be exercised, they are souls longing to love, to create and to overcome.

Valentine's Day thoughts on "old love"

I won't lie. Before I was married I thought that love was a downward slope.  You had to fall REALLY, REALLY in love with someone when you were young so that you could still, maybe, stand to be around them when you were older.   I am glad to say I was wrong.  Somehow, I love my husband more and more the longer we are together.  I first dated my husband when I was 17, we got married when I was 23 and have been married for 12 years this spring.  So if there are any young lovebirds out there reading this, I just want to let you know that love gets better with time.

So here are my top 7 great things about staying together...

1. Years of built up jokes
 I am really not a funny person, at all, but when I am around my husband you would almost think I'm funny.  We have so many jokes from over the years that there is usually one waiting to be brought up.  Laughter is survival when you have a high-stress life.  If we couldn't laugh at the chaos of our kids, Keith's high stress job, being broke all the time....if we couldn't laugh I don't think I would make it.  Over the years our senses of humor have melded and we usually know just how to crack the other one up.

 2.Your spouse becomes home
We move a lot with the military but if Keith is there any place feels like home.  Home is where we share our days together. Home is where ever we are together.

3. You run out of things to fight about and accept your spouse's "faults"
It feels good when the things that might have bothered you when you were dating now just "are".  Some things we may have worked out but a lot of things we just stopping fighting about.  Keith is going to watch football every Sunday and take up all the hot water. I am going to rearrange the furniture every couple months and buy too many books... and we are not going to fight about it because there is no point, and that is okay.

4. You can look back and see what you have accomplished together.
There is satisfaction that comes from looking back and seeing where you came from.  We started with nothing and have made a home.  Keith has worked hard and made a career out of the Navy and I have tried my hardest to support him.  We have children who are growing up into kids we really enjoy being around.  It is good to have a partner that you have worked together with to make your little part of the world.

5. The pressure of living happily ever after is gone.
For perfectionists like me the beginning of things start off with a lot of pressure for everything to be "your" way, you know, the right way!  But after years of being together a marriage becomes it's own thing and you loose that pressure to control everything.

6. The intimacy of knowing every detail and fault of someone
It is great to know all the good things about your spouse.  And in dating you can go a long time hiding your faults from someone.  Young life is also generally less stressful so your weaknesses are less likely to come through. But as the years go by everything is going to come out. But there is an intimacy of seeing someone at their worst, and knowing that they have seen you at your worst, and they still find you lovable and valuable.

7. They have made you a better person.
It is a blessing to have the security of love.  It creates  fertile soil in which we can grow.  And true love always desires the best for the other person.  Yes, Keith loves me at my worst, but I also know that he is cheering me on and encouraging me to be my best.  He will always assume the best of me and want me to try my hardest.  He makes me want to be a better person.

So on this Valentine's day I just want to say that although "old" love doesn't make a great movie or novel, it is still pretty great.  I wouldn't trade the excitement of "new" love for the peace of "old" love for a million bucks.  Happy Valentines to my husband Keith, I love you babe! (Ain't he cute!)

"It is love alone that gives worth to all things" -St. Teresa of Avila