I won't lie. Before I was married I thought that love was a downward slope. You had to fall REALLY, REALLY in love with someone when you were young so that you could still, maybe, stand to be around them when you were older. I am glad to say I was wrong. Somehow, I love my husband more and more the longer we are together. I first dated my husband when I was 17, we got married when I was 23 and have been married for 12 years this spring. So if there are any young lovebirds out there reading this, I just want to let you know that love gets better with time.
1. Years of built up jokes
I am really not a funny person, at all, but when I am around my husband you would almost think I'm funny. We have so many jokes from over the years that there is usually one waiting to be brought up. Laughter is survival when you have a high-stress life. If we couldn't laugh at the chaos of our kids, Keith's high stress job, being broke all the time....if we couldn't laugh I don't think I would make it. Over the years our senses of humor have melded and we usually know just how to crack the other one up.
We move a lot with the military but if Keith is there any place feels like home. Home is where we share our days together. Home is where ever we are together.
3. You run out of things to fight about and accept your spouse's "faults"
It feels good when the things that might have bothered you when you were dating now just "are". Some things we may have worked out but a lot of things we just stopping fighting about. Keith is going to watch football every Sunday and take up all the hot water. I am going to rearrange the furniture every couple months and buy too many books... and we are not going to fight about it because there is no point, and that is okay.
4. You can look back and see what you have accomplished together.
There is satisfaction that comes from looking back and seeing where you came from. We started with nothing and have made a home. Keith has worked hard and made a career out of the Navy and I have tried my hardest to support him. We have children who are growing up into kids we really enjoy being around. It is good to have a partner that you have worked together with to make your little part of the world.
5. The pressure of living happily ever after is gone.
For perfectionists like me the beginning of things start off with a lot of pressure for everything to be "your" way, you know, the right way! But after years of being together a marriage becomes it's own thing and you loose that pressure to control everything.
6. The intimacy of knowing every detail and fault of someone
It is great to know all the good things about your spouse. And in dating you can go a long time hiding your faults from someone. Young life is also generally less stressful so your weaknesses are less likely to come through. But as the years go by everything is going to come out. But there is an intimacy of seeing someone at their worst, and knowing that they have seen you at your worst, and they still find you lovable and valuable.
7. They have made you a better person.
It is a blessing to have the security of love. It creates fertile soil in which we can grow. And true love always desires the best for the other person. Yes, Keith loves me at my worst, but I also know that he is cheering me on and encouraging me to be my best. He will always assume the best of me and want me to try my hardest. He makes me want to be a better person.
So on this Valentine's day I just want to say that although "old" love doesn't make a great movie or novel, it is still pretty great. I wouldn't trade the excitement of "new" love for the peace of "old" love for a million bucks. Happy Valentines to my husband Keith, I love you babe! (Ain't he cute!)
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